Never, EVER tuck in your shirt. You're fat, remember? Tucking in or trying to wear clothes in any form-fitting fashion is a one hundred percent no-no. Those old sized-32 Levis decked out with a roll of fat where your belt buckle used to be isn't making life easier for ANYONE. Be a man and get some 38-42's. You're job is to stay happy and you can't do that if you're strangling your intestines all day.

As luck would have it, wearing shirts untucked can be quite trendy these days. And don't forget to treat yourself; those cheap cotton shirts you get from Wal-Mart just won't do the thing. Go out and get some fancy-schmancy duds from the XXL Regis collection so you can hide your fat in style. Roll up the sleeves to fit your new cool-guy-with-the-untucked-shirt profile. Now look in the mirror. Damn, you're smooth.


TIP: Keep your hair short. Fat-asses with long hippy hair just look crazy. Review the following visual aid:

before haircut

after haircut