While waiting for my train this morning, I picked up the Philadelphia Metro to help me pass the time. The front cover of it was completely in black, with the names of those who died in the September 11 attacks on it, lightly printed in a white, hollow-ish font. It was made to look like a memorial stone, like the Vietnam Memorial. After about 15 seconds, I noticed that my palms and fingers were stained with black ink.

I thought to myself, "My God, my hands have the stain of death on them. This stain is Osama's legacy!" So you see, Osama has struck me in a very personal way, interrupting my morning commute. This has to be the worse case of people getting their hands stained by a newspaper celebrating the anniversary of a tragedy. It has to be! Osama must pay.

But despite this tragedy, almost exactly one year later, the American spirit overcomes. A fellow passenger, who had obviously pillaged a hotel room in her past, handed me a wet-nap. That's right, Osama, you can stain my hands with the ink of victims you never knew, but you cannot stop Americans from reaching out and helping each other, and themselves to hotel room supplies to help others.

And I give back to the community by helping out the economy. By writing this while on company's time, I am ensuring that more work will be here for me another day. Work I did not do today. Ensuring extra money that I can use to buy hookers and hotel rooms. Hotel rooms that can be pillaged for items such as wet-naps and those little stupid soap bars that I like to unwrap and skip across the Schuylkill River at geese. Geese are funny.

Also, I am wearing a maroon colored shirt, a white t-shirt, and blue jeans. Since maroon is like a shade of red, that's very close to the colors of many flags, including the American Flag - the most powerful flag in the history of flags! I don't have any stars or stripes on me, nor is my shirt really red, but I know that it has to count for something, at least as much as it does if I really had red, white, and blue on. And every American knows that God is a white, American patriot who likes his flock to wear his flag colors. And since September 11, he's probably a fireman now too. But actually, geese are stupid.

God Bless America, right up to the borders and stop.