By Frozenfood Master Tony
Prologue
First of all, I think I must be living under a rock or something.
There are all these talking heads going around saying that the Twin Towers
of the World Trade Center in Manhattan have been destroyed. And I go
"What?" and they go "Destroyed!" and I go "What?" and they go "Yes,
destroyed!" and I go "What?" and they....well, you get the idea. As
you can see below I have proof that the twin towers still exist.
I know I am a very mean person. Shame on me.
But I will show you the darker side of the frozen food aisle. I will
take you along with me as I defect to the dark side of the force. I
used to be a man with natural affection and a commitment to hard honest
work. But as I got older, I realized that honest, hard working people
are suckers. And I find myself spitting on and kicking at children,
and I classify people based on their skin color and ethnic background.
I am becoming evil.
When David Banner got angry, his eyes would turn white and he would
Hulk out. That beachnigger had it made. I wish I could Hulk out and
get away with it. If I could I would find my former supervisor, this
old asshole named Mike, and rip his head off and put it in his
unusually large butthole. This guy reminded me of an Irish alcoholic
with a protruding spinal cord. Walking around with a wrinkled red face
and hunched over with shit sticking out of his back like a wind-up
doll.
Unfortunately I can't hulk out, but what I can do is walk down the
street and observe people and call them names in my head. Like when a
Jewish person makes me upset, I think of my meaning of the word
j.e.w.s. J.E.W.S. stands for junk eaten with soup. It's in reference
to that shit they fed all the starving hooknoses in the Nazi
concentration camp. I usually get a laugh out of that one, but it
doesn't stop there. If I am really angry I'll refer to a Jew as a
German oven mitt, oven-baked, or Goldberg. Oh yeah there's the
ever-popular "hooknose" as well.
If I'm in a particularly foul mood and I don't have the money for beer
then I will skip on down to Love Park and think of all the ways I could
use the word "nigger." You know, there never was a black smurf to help
the other blue devils torture Gargemel. Would they call that smurf a
smigger? And an old white trash bag called me an apple the other day.
I thought the bitch was coked up or on acid or something. I went to
school and looked that one up and found that it is an old racial slur
for niggers; I mean blacks, in reference to apples hanging from trees.
Oh boy.
And this is the kind of nasty bitch you end up with if you drink five
pitchers of Bud by yourself and then proceed to do the "Humpty Hump" on
the bar.
This girl is what southerners would call a 'smoke jumper," a white
female who craves black cock because she is:
- Too fucking ugly for white guys to date.
- She has given up on trying to find a white erection longer than
four inches, or
- She's too fucking ugly for white guys to date.
I used to work for this marketing company in Philadelphia and there was
this Dominican guy at the job who was clean cut and a hard worker. The
only problem was that he didn't speak the language too well, so he had
to open his mouth wide to pronounce a lot of the words. This is when
things really went south. This Dominican guy at my job was missing
four of his front teeth, so when he laughed or smiled, he would expose
the gaping hole on his gums. I never laughed at the gap (to his face
anyway) but I would be in tears when he would use his fat Dominican
upper lip to cover the hole and suspiciously make eye contact with me
to see if I noticed the field goal in his mouth.
I miss picking on that Taco Bender. He would provide many-a-laugh when
I was feeling blue. I suppose I can't go around making fun of people
forever. I'm going to have to pick myself up and put my life back
together. I'm really into hookers now. Ever since the Red Light
District experience, I'm into hookers because they will do absolutely
anything. Hookers over here in the states are cockier than the one's
in the Netherlands. That means I can shove my big black cock right up
their ass!
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