A few weeks ago I was walking down the street minding my own business when I saw a small child smiling at me. His big butt mother was shuffling something around in the back seat of their 2002 Maxima. She looked up just in time to see her son pelt me in the face with a snowball.

"Harpo! Stop that," the big butt mother cries. Then she bends her fat flabby butt over and continues shuffling things in the back seat of her luxury automotive transportation unit. Naturally, I did my duty to man and God. I bottled the anger up and then released that frustration with the beer, breasts and tiny orange shorts of Hooters.

A few evenings earlier I was riding the bus to my lovely home in beautiful, beautiful Roxbeero, Pennsylvania. This little toddler, who had an unusually large forehead, and her fat, varicose vein-legged mother were having themselves a bit of a debate.

This fat-fore headed child wanted something to drink and her thick-lipped mother tried to tell her that she would have to wait until their fat asses got home. The fat, puffy-faced little girl with the unusually large forehead didn't want to wait until they got home. She wanted her mother to pull something out of her fat, stretched out asshole so she proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs. It was torture.

What am I getting? It's simple. People, I am getting to the point where I no longer see children as innocent kids. They are just small people with the right to do heinous things to people who believe they are innocent. Look, I will personally fuck a child up if I had the opportunity. You would too, but you just won't say it because you're afraid society is going to label you a criminal and lock you up in a prison with other inmates sporting "mother" tattoos and unusually large assholes.

I am encouraging each and every one you to stand up to small people who think they can push us around and throw snowballs in our faces. Don't let children with unusually large foreheads disturb your friendly neighborhood bus ride. And most importantly, if you ever find yourself alone in a room with a child you dislike, kick it right square in the ribs......