I did my meditation during a bus ride home from work last week. The bus was over crowded and among the masses and I could smell other people's bodily funk, their strong perfumes, urine odors, and some Alf-like toddler had shit himself and his Close Encounters of the Third Kind-looking mother was fresh out of Huggies.

But amongst the fragrances, I stopped to think about how hypocritical the world of advertising is when I saw an unusually large billboard advertising the Golden Arches food and how great it is. I also heard a deejay run a radio ad and emphasize the cleanliness of a supermarket. I thought to this was total horseshit.

These ads may create purchasing interest in the minds of the average American consumer, but I have been filtered through the truthful waters. I have been exposed to the fact that this advertising was pure cow-pie. In other words, I've experienced the nightmare of working in a fast food restaurant and the horror of employment at a supermarket and I see the uncleanness that lurks behind the scenes.

For instance, the moment I saw the McDonald's ad I immediately thought of all the times I was slaving over a hot grill, sweating onto lunch hour rush hamburger patties with my supervisor yelling "Hurry up with that horsemeat mother-fucker!" Flipping burgers at Mickey D's wasn't the most fun thing in the world, but I witnessed atrocities that made me laugh harder than a mother with an ass-ugly infant trying to force a smile pretend her baby isn't grotesque.

I used to watch co-workers drop hamburger patties on the floor we had been walking on all day and quickly slip it them back into potential Big Macs. I also laughed myself silly when my supervisor Frank would sneeze all over a grill full of sizzling patties and was quick to serve them up as a slew of double cheeseburgers for an impatient group of Japanese businessmen.

And there was this Dominican guy who worked the grill and he had no front teeth. We used to take turns jerking off into those burgers that required "extra cheese" and when we saw a customer sink his teeth into one of the burgers we had just jizzed in, we would laugh uncontrollably. Me holding my belly and the Dominican guy hiding the hole in his mouth.

And I know the clean-cut grocery store ads are fraudulent as well. I had a five-year stint at a supermarket where the meat room was about three feet from the dirty, unsanitary, inadequately cleaned, maggot-ridden, vermin-infested trash hallway. There's no telling how many creatures of the trash could slip into your pound of extra lean ground beef.

My former frozen food supervisor looked like a recovering alcoholic that had turned to coke and heroine to help ease the tensions and frustrations of that fucked up experience we call life. He would often force me to stock dairy products that were to expire soon or were already beginning to decompose.

This guy worked around the clock non-stop. Before each shift he would run into the bathroom and put about seven grams of coke in his nose and then work as fast as Speedy Gonzales on crack. And all the other employees simply thought he was very passionate about his job but I knew it was because he was putting those grams of coke up his nose.

And my former supervisor would often tell us stories about all his private sexual acts involving peanut butter and his dog Kevin. Kevin was a stupid-looking mutt with a knack for Jiffy and shit-water from contaminated, public toilets.

My supervisor would put some cocaine in his nose and proceed to smear Peter Pan peanut butter all over his inflamed, unusually blackened asshole. He would then whistle for Kevin and the hopeless mutt would then run to its master and proceed to lap the peanut butter from former supervisor's butt-hole.

My supervisor told us these stories with so much passion and excitement that often fresh, soft phlegm deposits would form in the corners of his mouth and his nose would run a glossing stream of snot and if you looked close enough you could see small cocaine deposits.

And my co-workers from the produce, deli and fish departments often took heaping shits in the bathroom and didn't wash their hands before handling the foods that you and I will sit down to eat for dinner this evening. I now emphasize the importance of washing fresh foods from the supermarket thoroughly so I don't ingest the germs and mini-microbes from someone else's stool.

I also realize that the next time I sink my teeth into a juicy BK Broiler that it may have visited the kitchen floor and collected some unwanted germs and microorganisms. Be careful my friends. Don't buy into the clean-cut look of advertising, because behind the scenes, it is dirty, foul, and decrepit.